I ain't paying my Council Tax anymore.

[bobby47]

I ain't paying it anymore. What's the point paying for something that you ain't getting. If I went to my local Fishmonger and said, 'A Kilo of your finest Cornish Clams my good man' and I then paid the sum of money required and he suddenly went all quiet refusing to hand me my Clams, I'd be within my rights to kick off and shout, 'You thieving Barstard of a Fishmonger. Give me my Clams'.

That's the way of business. Two agents. One the Seller and me the customer and if one ain't getting what the other is required to hand over then its not a financial transaction you'd ever wish to repeat.

This bloody Council have an agreement with you and I. In return for our money, the very least they can do is cut me bloody grass, clean me streets and empty me bloody bins and that's it. Nothing else. It's all very straightforward as far as I can see and if, as a result of fiscal difficulties, their money pot is slightly down then they should start culling the suits until there is enough money made available to deliver the things that they agreed to provide us.

So I ain't paying them a penny piece more. They can dispatch me to Gloucester Prison and it'll be of no concern to me. I'll happily languish there without a single care in the world. And when they open the cell door and say, 'Your three months us up. Out you go', I'll say, 'Clear Off I ain't coming out. I enjoy being buggared every time I venture down into the shower block'.

Im serious! I ain't paying it anymore. Why pay for something you ain't getting and by the looks of it, you won't be getting ever again.

I don't want to fuel a team of Council employees investigating the mysteries of Carbon Emissions, Democratic Services, Drugs and Alcohol services, Reducing Crime and promoting Road bloody Safety and all the 'Partnership' gibberish they shovel out proclaiming its saved me millions. I want my bloody grass cut. Nothing else.

I ain't paying them anymore money. I've got absolutely no problem at all in facing the consequences of my actions. They and I are done! I no longer wish to involve myself in a financial transaction with them.

Not while I've got a repeat prescription for diazepam and the ability to still think for myself.

[Bambi]

Out him Bobby, out this brigand, this non-purveyor of piscatorial consumables, blow the whistle, grass him up, name names. Then we, as one, can tell him,"NO. we no longer want to buy our Arbroath Smokies from you. Clear off. We will find another establishment, one whose proprietor is a man of honesty, has principles, has a sense of what is right and wrong, has Cornish clams"

Also, when you get banged up in the pokey, tip us the wink, we'll send you a cake with a bag of scratchings and a big jar of Vaseline baked into it.

[stupidfrustration]

Whilst you are funny Bobby - and you really are - this is one of the first things I have disagreed with you on.

 

You will still pay, as will I, unhappy in what we get in return, but, we will still pay.

 

Bobby - you are clearly a smart man - put your writing talents to better pursuits of happiness.

 

Why not join "its our county" and change things that way? 

[bobby47]

You're very kind my friend. However, I will not pay the Council Tax. I most certainly will not be paying any more of my deminishing funds to fuel the madness that has overwhelmed our public services.

I'd sooner go to prison than continue this foolhardy arrangement between me and them. In fact, if it comes to it, and I do find myself locked away, then I've no problem in becoming the 'C' Wing Bit.ch. The Sisters can come a calling each and every single night of the week, pass me about like some tiny parcel and subject me to endless acts of manly love and despite the desperate situation I find myself in, I'll laugh my way through the entire painful ordeal rather than give in and pay this Council one single penny from my tin of money.

I'm serious and I ain't for paying up. As for Its Our County, they've got my vote. They won it sometime back but I'd guess that the last thing they'd want would be me littering their FB page with my pigswill and codswallop. My very warmest regards.

[flamboyant]

We will miss you Bobby but thanks for taking one for the team!

Can you blog from prison? 

 

Seriously though I don't think you, me or anyone else has a hope of changing the Councils decision. 

On the plus side-

IOC are recruiting volunteers to cut the grass and from what Cllr Harvey tells me it's going very well, they have been inundated with offers of support from their constituents. I can put in a good word for you ...

[megilleland]

On the plus side-

IOC are recruiting volunteers to cut the grass and from what Cllr Harvey tells me it's going very well, they have been inundated with offers of support from their constituents. I can put in a good word for you ...

 

Maybe we can put Booby on the chain gang if he goes inside.

[bobby47]

Breaking rocks holds no fears for me. I'd manage just fine being locked up for not paying my Council Tax. First thing I'd do once incarcerated? I'd seek out the biggest, meanest looking, tattooed beast who's physical appearance clearly explains why he can lift a small family hatchback on the end of his erect penis and I'd smack him in the gob. No explanations. No exchanging any pleasantries. Nothing! I'd hit him square on in the gob announcing that I was the new King of 'C' Wing

Mind, I wouldn't be telling anyone why I'd been sent down. If you want to impress folk and aptly describe just how dangerous you are, you don't want to be saying,'I didn't pay me Council Tax'. You've gotta embellish things. Flower up your antecedent history to impress and you've gotta be angry with everything. For example, when they open your Cell door and some chap says, 'lovely day. Did you sleep well'? Smack them in the gob. In fact that's the answer to every single encounter you meet whilst holed up on 'C' Wing. You smack them in the gob. Everyone gets smacked in the gob and before to long, word gets about and folk soon realise that you are a very dangerous person who's likely to smack you in the gob.

That's how you survive in Prison. Well, that and superb care and expertise from all the good people who work in the Hospital Wing of the prison who's job it is to put your face and body back together again when the bloke you've just smacked in the gob decides to smack you in the gob, break your face into tiny pieces and sees you sucking oxtail soup through a straw for the next twelve months of your life.

[stupidfrustration]

lets hope that doesnt happen eh?

[dippyhippy]

Bobby's had years of practise at deflecting blows to his face....usually via the wife's frying pan!

 

A couple of smacks in the gob from C Wings finest will hold no fear for him!

[bobby47]

How's the annual trip to Hay Festival going Dippy? Im guessing you'll have been there soaking it all in. And of course the rain....again...!

My warmest regards old friend.

[dippyhippy]

For the first time in years, we have just been driving up and down, rather than staying in the van!!

 

Its been pretty muddy....but my trusty wellies have done me proud!

 

Lots more to see on Friday and Saturday......but tomorrow I shall stay at home....in the dry!!

[Cambo]

Bobby if you do ended up in the slammer cos you didn't pay your council tax then I salute you!!

But I think you'd be ok if they did decide to lock you up for non payment of the council tax as you remind me of Ronnie Barker's character Fletch in porridge?…"alrite Mr MacKay"

[dippyhippy]

I can see it now.........

 

Front page of The Hereford Times......

 

"Free The Hereford One!"

 

Petitions, protests, and limited edition souvenir T-shirts!

[Ubique]

Dippy - what about a poem for Bobby plus a chant which we , as a group gathered outside the goal can shout - it ,of course might become "Commercial " so that any money raised will help Mrs Bobby survive whilst Bobby does his time.

 

Quick question with a yes or no answer - once Bobby has done his time , handed back his iPad , Xbox and TV remote control is the debt cancelled ?

[gdj]

Bobby, 

 

I fear you may have miscalculated your rebellion.  You have forgotten that far above prison on the scale of cruel punishments is "community service".  You could end up wearing a high visibility bib,  picking up litter in ...........the OLM!   whilst Jarvis strolls around with a taser in case you make a run for it.

 

Just think on.

[dippyhippy]

                                       " Prisoner 47".

 

 

Bobby stood up in the dock,

He held his head up high.

As the judge passed down his sentence,

He didn't bat an eye.

 

"Is there anything you'd like to say?"

The judge then asked the King,

"Now's your opportunity,

Before you're hauled off to C Wing".

 

"I'm a diligent re-cycler,

Who likes the grass cut neatly,

I shall never pay my council tax,

'Til this cabinets gone completely!"

 

This war cry, it was echoed,

By Posters right across the 'Shire,

But Johnson wasn't listening,

And the grass grew ever higher.

 

As the city succumbed to the weeds,

The future looked quite grim,

And all because they pulled the plug,

On those folk who mow and strim!!

 

 

 

(A dodgy poem by D. Hippy!)

[Ubique]

Dippy , thanks , super , just see Bobby sitting on a bench ,attached to the wall and floor , reciting this poem to a gathering of convicted thugs who have nothing less than respect and admiration for a man who has refused to pay his Council Tax.

[dippyhippy]

No worries Ubique!

 

It was just a quick one!!

[bobby47]

Once again my old friend, brilliant! Well done Dippy.

[dippyhippy]

Thanks Bobby!

 

When I do eventually make retirement, I may eek out a hand to mouth existence writing alternative greetings to go in cards.

 

Here are my thoughts on a rather special occasion......

 

The Wedding Anniversary.

 

You pick your nose,

And fart in bed,

I've very often,

Wished you dead.

But, you're not.

We're both still here,

So let's celebrate,

Another year!

 

By D.Hippy.

 

What do you think???

[bobby47]

And so it begins. Having thrown all three letters in the bin, the next one from the Council will be 'pay up or else'. Well this Council are going to find that getting money out of me is like trying to force butter up a hedgehogs backside with a red hot needle and, the term, 'or else' does not apply to me. I couldn't care less about the consequences. Fully cognisant of the course I've set myself upon Im more than content to wait for the Constable to arrive at my humble abode.

And when he does arrive and begins to negotiate with me begging me to come out of the attic, I'll tell him,' clear off. Im busy logged on to Whitecross Housewives watching some Doris from Baggally Steet dancing and gyrating as I observe her sultry performance via my bloody webcam'.

I ain't bloody paying. Never! And, as I surely will be, dispatched to serve my three months in HMP Hellhouse, I'll look forward to them shackling my ankles and hanging me upside down whilst suspended from the ceiling of my bare and featureless cell. I couldn't care less.

They can visit me thrice daily, attach wires to my testicals and deliver me enough voltage to keep a small rural hamlet illuminated for a week and it'll have no affect upon me. Rather than squeal, ' at least turn off the water hose', I'll laugh through the entire experience howling, 'im having the time of my life. Teach me a lesson I'll never forget and fry my testicals'.

I ain't joking! Im serious and whatsmore, once I've become accustomed to my surroundings, become used to being hung upside down and electrocuted three times each day of the week, I'll find and use what limited materials I can appropriate, build a laptop and a keyboard and I'll continue to communicate my progress whilst I hang from the roof of my cell.

[dippyhippy]

Fabulous, Bobby!

 

This fighting talk is just what the troups need!

 

By the way, I've just seen Doris over at the garage buying gin and rizlas. She has some brilliant ointment for your testicals, works a treat she said.

 

Every cloud..........!!

[Ubique]

Bobby-I have to say that to describe what you might consider doing to hedgehogs has not really impressed Mrs Ubique , she has great difficulty putting a syringe full of live saving substance into a baby hedgehog .!

[Cambo]

Bobby it may take a while before the old bill come banging on your door to drag you off to the cells for not paying your council tax! as wot normally happens is that you will receive threatening letters to bang you up but eventually it goes to a debt collecting agency more than likely Birstow & sutor from Redditch they will pester you send bailiffs & threaten to take your goods away & threaten you with court action too! hoping that you will agree to a monthly repayment scheme. The repayment would not be how much you can afford but rather it is set @ a rate that the council will decide & demand that it is repaided @.

eg if your council tax is say a £1,000 payed over 10 months which is £100 a month but you've not paid it for say 8 months the council will demand you pay back @ a rate of £500 a month to bring it back on track?

Considering that there were well over a thousand people in herefordshire who did not pay council tax last year I haven't heard of any of them going to prison for not paying yet?

[bobby47]

Cambo, Sweet Lord, I hadn't considered the Bailiffs tipping up and taking me stuff. I've got some good stuff in here. Me Tanglewood six string, me Lee Oskar harmonica's, all me fishing tackle and my tobacco and ale.

Well I ain't giving it up. I'll secrete it before they ever cross my threshold and say, 'sit down fatso while we take all your valuables'.

Never! By the time I've hidden and stashed everything they'll be lucky to raise fifty quid. Thanks mate.

[Cambo]

Don't worry bobby they can't force there way in they coerce you into letting them in or if a window is left open they can gain entry. Although on there first visit they won't come to remove your goods? one person will come & have a chat see wot goods you have make a note & get you to sign a form be careful of signing as it has in the small print, that if you don't pay they have your permission to gain entry to your property to seize your goods @ a later date!

[bobby47]

Course, its all getting out of hand now isn't it! She wants to pay! Wants to pay her slice of the debt and distance herself from me. She's been tearing around the 'gaff' sticking little labels on our belongings. 'His' and 'Mine' labels that'll make it clear to the bailiffs who owns bloody what. My stuff, a cup, a saucer, knife, fork, spoon and a bloody plate to eat my High Town food off is all neatly labelled up and stuck in the corner alongside me ground bait.

She says, 'I don't want to be electrocuted and hung upside down'. I've bloody told her, ' its only electricity. Nothing to be bothered about and anyway I've watched Shawshank Redemption and I've not seen any woman being made to ride the lightening bolt'.

Then she says, 'he escaped from Shawshank. Crawled through the sewers and made off to live by the sea. Will you try and escape'?

I said, 'bloody no! The whole point of it all is to get in the prison and protest. Not to get out. Im trying me best'est to get in there. Not to get out of there'.

Course, the pointless exchange continues in bed doesn't it! 'Say you don't like it in there. You'll want to escape then. How are you going to crawl through the sewer when you're hung upside down?'. 'Bloody hell', I said, ' can we stop all this talk of me crawling through pipes covered in shi.te and just get on with the intercourse. Lets have our orgasm and get to bloody sleep'.

[Edna Welthorpe (Mrs)]

http://www.advicenow.org.uk/advicenow-guides/consumer-and-money-problems/dealing-with-bailiffs/bailiffs-powers,10338,FP.html

 

Your rights with the bailiffs.

[Cambo]

Bobby here's someone else who's not paying there council tax

 

Off Hereford times website

A HEREFORD man told magistrates he would rather be “locked up†than pay his spiralling council tax bill.

 

Dennis Gillingham, of De Lacy Court, Eign Road, St James, took his bags to court and told the bench he would sooner go to jail on principle than pay an outstanding tax bill of just over £200.

 

“It’s kicking the guy that’s in the gutter,†he told Hereford Magistrates Court. “I’ve got no intention of paying it.â€

 

As Gillingham receives benefits, he is among a group of people that as recently as three years ago had 100 per cent of their council tax waived.

 

 

Since then that subsidy has fallen to 84 per cent, with a proposal to cut it further to 76 per cent under the new budget.

 

Annette Apperley, representing the council, said that it has seen a considerable increase in this type of case since a rise this year.

 

Currently 1,122 people across Herefordshire have been issued with liability orders for unpaid council tax.

 

Gillingham told the court that, in real terms, for someone in his situation it means his bill has risen by nearly 90 per cent in two years.

 

He added: “It’s kicking the poorest so they can pay for their new bins - is that what they care about now?

 

 

“I’ve packed my bags for prison – why don’t you send me there? That’s where I’m going to end up.â€

 

Head magistrate Celia Cundale – who did not have the sentencing powers to sent Gillingham to jail for an unpaid bill – issued a liability order for the outstanding amount.

 

Ms Apperely told the court: “I can only apologise for manner of that case, but I suspect there will be more and more like that over the next few months.â€

[bobby47]

Cambo, Yep! I read it. What a man. Sadly, I'm not half the man he is. The rotten old bag has paid me Council Tax hasn't she. Snatched me glory away. No getting bugarred in the shower block for me. Not this year!