Bloody Celebrities!

[bobby47]

If they ain't dancing in the Blackpool Tower Ballroom, they're doing it on ice, and if they ain't baking a bloody fruit cake to entertain us, they're on a quiz show, on a rotten bus, in a bloody house falling out with one another or in the Australian North East coast jungle eating all manner of creatures just to earn their fee, win the barstard competition and get the chance to advertise for Iceland Foods and move on to the next pointless celebrity programme where we the bloody viewers are invited to phone in and decide whether or not we want them to carry on doing buggar all that supposedly thrills us and entertains our poor souls. The barstards!

There was a time, not so long ago, when their star would dim, the calls dried up, their agent told them to 'clear off and don't come back' and they ended up on the end of a coastal rotten pier playing Widow Twanky in pantomime. Not anymore mores the pity. Nowadays, when their voice goes, they can't sing a bloody note or something else prevents them performing and getting a generous round of applause, it signals the beginning of their second career of the celebrity programme entertainment circuit.

What bloody next? We've already got the bloody celebrity President. It'll be bloody Pope next. The barstards!

If I had anything to do with it I'd certainly introduce something harsher, some dreadful alternative that'd make them think twice about signing up for Celebrity this and Celebrity that. Shoot the barstards. By Firing Squad. If the public don't phone in on Premium Rates and acknowledge 'we like you', then take them out of the house, off the dance floor or out of the jungle, and shoot um! That'd sort it out and it'd definitely increase the viewing numbers.

And if death by Firing Squad is a little to harsh for some then amputate a limb or sever a toe or finger. Anything! Beat them senseless and roll them in nettles but just stop this celebrity culture that's dominating my television screen.

I know if I were a celebrity and I was fully cognisant that there was a very good chance that I could walk into the Celebrity programme and end up hopping out, I'd give it some serious consideration. And as for the Firing Squad bit, which I personally don't think is particularly harsh or excessive, we could involve our brave Armed Forces Men and Women to do the shooting,which, they've been highly trained to do in their past service to us,and then and at the same time raise some much needed revenue to help them.

[twowheelsgood]

Good to hear from you b47. Watched celebrity cycling the other night - I'd vaguely heard of Austin Healey (what were his parents thinking with that name) - never heard of the others. I think being able to cry, a lot, and fall off, a lot, meant they qualified. I doubt any of them could manage Widow Twanky.

[herefordman75]

Well said Bobby! I was beginning to think I was in a minority with this so called "entertainment" that is rammed down our throats constantly. It's no wonder the population are descending into mindless sheeple - they are being brainwashed by these "entertainers", most of which should have been put out to grass years ago.

 

"Reality" TV is cheap to make, the spin offs from merchandising & premium rate calls and texts are what makes the money, along with the lucrative advertising in between the, um, "program" (if you can call it that)

[Adrian symonds]

There is something called a power switch on the TV, if you do not like what is on it then turn it off, or try one of the online services, like now Tv, netflix or amazon.

My Tv licence runs out at the end of the yearish and it is not going to be renewed, I went without TV for almost 3 years, i wish now i never bothered to renew the licence. 

Very little worth bothering with, I will stick with now Tv and netflix, oh yeah and optical  disks.

[herefordman75]

@ Adrian - we actively avoid any reality tv that is broadcast, preferring decent drama (Blacklist for example) and good documentaries. I did notice yesterday, that there are more young viewers watching the new David Attenborough show Planet Earth 2 than watching the latest round of X Factor - so maybe the tide is turning.

[Clarkester]

Yeah......  But, that boxing match between Ricky Gervais and Grant Bovey back in the early 2000's was worth a watch though...

Celebrity reality televisual gold, that was...

One overweight man hitting a not overweight man while confused onlookers shouted advice/abuse...  Cultural highpoint right there, we have, as a race of people been on a downward slope ever since!

I blame Lew Grade...  Probably.

[bobby47]

I see bloody Sting is back. Not content with his massive pile of wealth and saving the Rain Forest, he suddenly tips up in the Blackpool Tower to promote yet another song that'll make you pine and yearn for more Eurovision dross rather than listen just once more to his bloody bass guitar and one more minute of pointlessness.

Then you've got bloody Bono, Geldof and bloody Beckam. Give David his Knighthood and be done with it. Is he ever at home? Whether its feeding the starving children, attending every sporting final, in every place across the globe, Comic Relief, Red rotten Noseday, all done within several time zones and at exactly the same time, he'll be there grinning and holding hands with the latest of his offspring who, in five years time, will be a bloody Ambassador to the UN promoting World bloody Peace or Global Warnng.

Course, you don't see him skipping across Minefields do you. No you bloody don't mores the pity. Let's see him cozy up to some seriously contagious common folk. Lepers! That'd be worth the glory his celebrity other self craves for.

And there's the crying! My God the crying. Some good and completely wonderful and brave youngster tips up at The Pride Of Britain awards ceremony, because he's battled terrible illness, fundraised thousands of pounds, donated a kidney and completed the London Marathon and the audience, full to the gunnels in bloody celebrities are there and on their feet, clapping and crying as they drink their way through a dozen bottles of Moët Chandon that the public paid for, they're there to be seen wiping away their false self promoting tears in the hope that they've managed to out cry bloody Beckham and get their publicity starved face on the front page of some magazine who's business it is to tell us all how bloody wonderful they all are.

[herefordman75]

Bobby you are forgetting the annual "charity" fests where these celebrities beg us to give a tenner to the chosen "charity" - why don't they donate 10% of their own wealth to said charity - or even as Bill Gates etc have done and donate nearly all of their wealth to solving problems? Makes me baulk when you look into the salaries the heads of these "charities" pay themselves, most are on 6 figure sums. I don't have anything against charity work, I just disagree with the top echelons being paid silly amounts of money for what they do.

[bobby47]

Hello Pal, Yes, bloody charitable organisations. Course, they all start off from a high place and with a wonderful noble cause in mind, but like much of what happens nowadays, they become infested with the great and the good, they make that one crucial and strategic appointment of a Chief Executive who's off his rocker and off you go, creating layer upon layer of administration, tiers of management, pay the best to get the best Common Purpose ideology and you end up with a wealth and job creation empire that, after extracting all the public charitable donations and paying the staff salaries, the noble cause ends up receiving fifteen bloody pence out of every three quid raised.

And of course, every so bloody often, around the time of a religious festival, they pay bloody Beckham to fly out to some dust bowl of a region, fix the camera lens so he's looking downwards longingly at an empty bloody well and then, after he's cuddled some poor kid and dressed him in one of his signed football shirts, he then gazes back into the lens, bubbles up with croaking emotion, weeps gallons and says, ' please donate and save a life', knowing full well that the charitable costs incurred from his bloody flight, accomodation, a bag of frozen peas to feed Victoria and God knows what else, all that's really been achieved is another line in Chapter Six of his twenty seventh Biography titled, 'I want to become a f.ucking Saint and be blessed by the bloody Pope', and be acknowledged worldwide as the greatest Briton that ever lived.